After 17 years of marriage my husband and I decided to try and figure each others out. We thought we knew each other pretty well, so it surprised us when we figured out how both of us truly do feel the most loved. After my husband thought about it, he decided he feels the most loved when I serve him by making sure he has clean clothes to wear, a clean house to come home to, and yummy meals. I wanted to clarify.
"You mean, you feel more loved by this than if I tell you how awesome and manly you are??? {the language of praise/words of affirmation}"
Uh, yeah.
"Or you really feel more loved by this than if I gave you a backrub??? {the language of physical touch}"
Yes, but then he had to clarify that one which we won't go into here, because this is a family friendly blog y'all and I know my nieces and nephews read this too! ;) Anyway! Moving on!
Anyway! So I am having a really hard time wrapping my head around this one. I know my husband said he feels loved and cared for when he comes home from work to a clean house, and a hot meal with clean clothes put away in his drawers, but honestly? These don't feel like love statements to me. They are chores for me.
So if he comes home to a messy house, does that mean I don't love him? If I'm too frazzled to cook a meal, does he feel any less love? Intellectually I get it I guess. I can see how being taken care of would make you feel loved ~ obviously. I'm just having a hard time getting past the chore aspect of it day in and day out. These are things I feel are just expected of me anyway ~ not grand gestures of love! And the daily cleaning of the house, the never ending laundry and always trying to think of something to cook for dinner ... aren't they things you just don't notice after a while if they are always being done? Will he still feel loved even then?
So in thinking about this, I've decided I should put more thought into the tasks to make them feel like I am personalizing them for him.
I can make more of an effort to cook him a special treat that I know he likes. Or his favorite meal more often.
I've even decided maybe I should make cleaning the bathroom even more special and fold down the toilet paper like they do at the hotels I've visited. Lol!
And! I've been haunting the stores for cute little heart shaped trinkets I can put in his drawers when I put his clothes away. Right now is a great time to find them {or when they go on clearance after Valentine's}.
These are all from Hobby Lobby
My favorite one is this little envelope you
could put personalized little notes in.
Or if you wanted you could create fun little printable messages or print these cute ones from The Happy Home Fairy:
More on my pinterest page
I don't know. Maybe that is straying a little into the gifts category of showing love but it makes it seem a little more as if I'm saying I love you when I put his clothes away.
Anyway! So my love language is quality time. {So when the Hubs asked me to accompany him on a business trip to Washington DC last year? Yeah, I was swooning! :) }
And for those who need a little review of the 5 Love Languages, they are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.
Do you know yours?
Your husbands?
Your kids?
Do tell!
Your husbands?
Your kids?
Do tell!
I am definitely a quality time girl myself. And sometimes I forget that not everyone else is the same as me. I've heard all about each type of love language before but I've never actually read the book. We've got a trip to the library on the schedule this week, I'll have to see if they've got a copy available.
ReplyDeleteOooh! I hope they have the book for you! Do you have any idea what the rest of your family is yet? Let me know what you think if you get the chance to read it! :D
DeleteI should try to find out what my son's love language is. That is very sweet, by the way, that you are thinking about how to infuse more love into the daily things you do for your husband.
ReplyDeleteOh you totally should try to find out! Both of my kids have different languages, but knowing my kids love languages helps me show them I love them in more meaningful ways for them. There is also a Love Language book written specifically on the languages as it applies to kids if you want to check that one out!
ReplyDeleteInteresting...I should read this book.
ReplyDeleteIf I had to guess, I would say your husband and mine are a lot alike. He would like a clean house and all that jazz, too. So much so, he would consider it me showing him I care.
I think I would be the language of praise...I adore it when my husband tells me I look pretty or I did something well.
Thank you for such a thought provoking post!
xo
You totally should Adrienne! The book is also especially helpful because it gives you ideas at the end of each chapter on how you can more effectively show the love for each particular love language. :)
DeleteLike Eliza, I know of these but haven't ever read the book. I should read it because I think it would be a great to know exactly what I am and those around me. I would say I am probably a physical touch person and I don't think most of my family are because they don't want to hug me as much as I want to be hugged! I learned a lot from my two relationships that I have had. The first was definitely a gift giver (he still is because we are still good friends) and the other was definitely a physical touch guy. Wonder who I meshed up with better? Well, sort of.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, moving on. Thanks for the reminder that I should read this book and remember that not everyone says I love you the same way.
I have to say that physical touch is a hard one for me because I'm not a hugger / touchy feely kind of person but it is for one of my kids so I make an effort to rub their back, tousle their hair as I walk by etc. It's easier for me when they're little kids but once they get bigger it feels more awkward. I should get over it. Lol! I will try to remember to give you a hug when I see you! :D
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